Bad desicions

I'm starting to wonder if this whole "I'll try anything once" mentality is really such a good idea? 

Actually, I'm pretty sure it isn't.

Hrm. My life is heading in an interesting direction.

It's just weird, because a year or two ago, I'd never even consider doing some of these things.  And then as soon as the opportunity presents itself, I'm in? Where are my standards? Pshaw.

Anyway, not freaking out, just an observation.

I love how vague I am in these posts. Mwahaha. You shall never knoooooow what I am thinking :D

What good are goals with no drive?

I've been really down lately for some reason.  I think I know what the reason is, but I hate that it affects me at all, so I refuse to acknowledge it.  I guess what really matters is what I intend to do about it, anyway.

So I've been spending the last few weeks sulking, and it's ridiculous.  I cannot waste my last couple of weeks of -Freshman year- of college this way.  And I think what may help... seems too long term and hard to even be worth it.  But if I never try, how will I know? Who knows, it could be great.  Solve all my problems.  Make me feel a little better about myself.

Right now, I'm just anxious for summer.  As if that will solve all my problems...  But I realize that it won't.  I'll have to get a job, a few of my best friends have moved so I won't even see them, I may have to have some unpleasant confrontations.  I need to stop waiting for things to get better, and instead actively put into action things that -will- make it better.

I can't just wait around for next year, either.  It'll be great living in Austin (if that ends up happening), but I'm sure I'll feel like a failure the entire first semester... Every one of my friends made it into UT, as well as all three of my roommates.  Constant reminders.  I'll be the one that didn't get in.  The one that wasn't smart enough/hardworking enough to pull through.  Obviously no one will say that, but it's what I'll be thinking the entire time.  All of my friends are so smart! Ugh.

So anyway, point is, I'm gonna try to actually achieve my goals for once.  I've got the whole "dancing through life" thing going, for those of you who have seen Wicked.  Maybe it's time (actually, it's way past time) to stop just getting by okay, and start working my hardest and making something out of myself.

This is probably one of my goals that I will be too lazy to work toward, but I've always felt that writing things down (especially where people can see them) keeps me motivated.  Accountability does wonders for me.

Whew, first long blog post! Finally, haha.  Now you know a little bit about what's going on in my life.  Unless I'm being too vague... Which I probably am ^_~

Goodnight all.

Btw, pic unrelated. But so effing cute.

Before class starts...

"You Found Me"

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I'd become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

So, here we are
That's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back
I'm fading out
All that has faded me within
You're by my side
Now everything's fine
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding
'Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

-Kelly Clarkson.

I haaate that I need this, but I do. I'm getting pretty impatient.  Maybe it would help if I stopped hiding?  Buttt that's just what I do.

Ugh. I was fine until HE showed up.  Now I'm all aware of what male affection feels like, and I want more. But he's gone already, sooo. I'm gonna have to actually make an effort to find someone, now.  This idea doesn't appeal to me at all.

I want to be found, I don't want to do the looking.  But if I get any more impatient for love, I'm gonna have to suck it up and give it a try.

Phew. Venting.

Sooo

My new favorite drink is the "Pink Panty." Let it be noted.

Hmm.

I'm glad my friend gave me this idea.  I'm excited.

Sooo, my first post is invigorating, I know.  I'll doubtless have something to get off my chest fairly soon.

~